Just over a week ago, I was on the beach, with a wonderful group of ladies from our church, wrapping up an incredible weekend in Long Beach for the Propel women's conference. As we sat under the warm sun, sand in between our toes, and the ocean breeze blowing through our hair, we began discussing what name(s) other's have labeled us with that we've unintentionally bought into then began comparing them to the name(s) the Lord calls us that - we need to begin walking in and owning for ourselves. I can't exactly pinpoint what moment it began, but over that weekend I realized at some point this summer, I had bought into an opposing narrative about my worth. Sure, I knew God will always lavish His time, resources, and love on me, but I didn't feel worthy of receiving that from people (even though most of the time that's the exact vessel God uses to love on me). I bought into the lies that I'm not good enough, smart enough, disciplined enough, old enough, educated enough, eloquent enough, *fill in the blank, you name it* enough to accomplish what I believe He's calling me to do in this season. I've felt stuck. Knowing the calling, feeling the intense conviction, yet fearful of stepping out - ultimately, because I don't feel worthy of what I sense He's setting me up to do.
Ever since we moved to Fresno in March, I've known that God's been asking me to write. It was exciting at first then quickly became absolutely terrifying. Writing has always been an evident gift, or talent per say, that the Lord has given me - I can trace it all the way back into my childhood. I was constantly writing stories, or little chapter "books". I was once accepted to participate in some sort of writing seminar (forgive my lack of a better description. Ha! It was back in grade school and I just recently remembered it) and I always talked about "one day" when I'd write a book and become an author. Now, hear me, I don't know what all the details of this new season will look like, I just know in my spirit that the time has come for me to be like Nike and "Just Do It"! This particular season of my life reminds me of the Parable of the Talents found in Matthew 25 (vs 14-30). Three servants were given an amount of talents according to their own ability (don't miss that - that's another post at another time). Two of the three servants multiplied their talents, while the third servant just maintained what he had been given, in fear of mismanaging it. Unfortunately, up until now, my actions have lined up most with the third servant verses reflecting that of the first two. This passage of scripture has been convicting the mess out of me because my hearts desire is to steward, and multiply, that which God has given me. To bring light to some of the darkest parts of the my path that God has brought me through, thus far, in hopes that others are able to find healing, hope, peace, joy, and forgiveness in their hearts, to receive encouragement, as well as find reconciliation in their relationships with people and even God, The Father. Instead, I've allowed fear to grip my heart - ultimately causing me to bury this talent in the sand. But no more. The Lord is knocking on my door, looking to collect on His investment and I simply can't fight off this urgent nudging any longer.
God has been too faithful for me to not be faithful with my life.
The night before I left for the conference, one of our former students, Harrison, passed away after a long, courageous, and hard fought battle with cancer. There's been so many thoughts and emotions tied to his homecoming and while I've done my best to rejoice with him, in the midst of my grief, it's brought me so much perspective about how little some things seem in light of eternity. Harrison has just won and received the prize we're all running this race to achieve. Sometimes heaven can seem so far off, but the reality of Harry stepping into glory, being with Jesus and all who have gone before us, finally hearing that "well done, good and faithful servant" - has reminded me of how small the opposition I may face really is. I'm not guaranteed tomorrow, and I want to make sure I'm stewarding today, and every day that I have, with the utmost diligence. Not for me, but for the Lord! He's placed me in this day and age, in this generation, in this city, state, and country for a specific reason and I'm done leaving my "talent" in the ground out of fear of what others may think, feel or say, because it's so much bigger than me.
So, to those of you who will be joining me as I step out in blind obedience on this new faith adventure - I want to say thank you, in advance! Thank you for being open minded and taking the time to read as well as esteem this gift God has given me. I pray that it blesses you, challenges you, gives you insight into new perspective and that the Lord is able to meet you right where you're at, and touch the parts of your heart that need Him most.
With all my love and prayers,
LMM
Ever since we moved to Fresno in March, I've known that God's been asking me to write. It was exciting at first then quickly became absolutely terrifying. Writing has always been an evident gift, or talent per say, that the Lord has given me - I can trace it all the way back into my childhood. I was constantly writing stories, or little chapter "books". I was once accepted to participate in some sort of writing seminar (forgive my lack of a better description. Ha! It was back in grade school and I just recently remembered it) and I always talked about "one day" when I'd write a book and become an author. Now, hear me, I don't know what all the details of this new season will look like, I just know in my spirit that the time has come for me to be like Nike and "Just Do It"! This particular season of my life reminds me of the Parable of the Talents found in Matthew 25 (vs 14-30). Three servants were given an amount of talents according to their own ability (don't miss that - that's another post at another time). Two of the three servants multiplied their talents, while the third servant just maintained what he had been given, in fear of mismanaging it. Unfortunately, up until now, my actions have lined up most with the third servant verses reflecting that of the first two. This passage of scripture has been convicting the mess out of me because my hearts desire is to steward, and multiply, that which God has given me. To bring light to some of the darkest parts of the my path that God has brought me through, thus far, in hopes that others are able to find healing, hope, peace, joy, and forgiveness in their hearts, to receive encouragement, as well as find reconciliation in their relationships with people and even God, The Father. Instead, I've allowed fear to grip my heart - ultimately causing me to bury this talent in the sand. But no more. The Lord is knocking on my door, looking to collect on His investment and I simply can't fight off this urgent nudging any longer.
God has been too faithful for me to not be faithful with my life.
The night before I left for the conference, one of our former students, Harrison, passed away after a long, courageous, and hard fought battle with cancer. There's been so many thoughts and emotions tied to his homecoming and while I've done my best to rejoice with him, in the midst of my grief, it's brought me so much perspective about how little some things seem in light of eternity. Harrison has just won and received the prize we're all running this race to achieve. Sometimes heaven can seem so far off, but the reality of Harry stepping into glory, being with Jesus and all who have gone before us, finally hearing that "well done, good and faithful servant" - has reminded me of how small the opposition I may face really is. I'm not guaranteed tomorrow, and I want to make sure I'm stewarding today, and every day that I have, with the utmost diligence. Not for me, but for the Lord! He's placed me in this day and age, in this generation, in this city, state, and country for a specific reason and I'm done leaving my "talent" in the ground out of fear of what others may think, feel or say, because it's so much bigger than me.
So, to those of you who will be joining me as I step out in blind obedience on this new faith adventure - I want to say thank you, in advance! Thank you for being open minded and taking the time to read as well as esteem this gift God has given me. I pray that it blesses you, challenges you, gives you insight into new perspective and that the Lord is able to meet you right where you're at, and touch the parts of your heart that need Him most.
With all my love and prayers,
LMM
See. We are kindred spirits!
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